I don’t like snakes. No way, no how. Living in Florida, one of the first things you learn is a good snake from a bad snake, to know a king snake from a coral snake. “If his nose is black, look out, Jack.” I know black racers or Indigo snakes eat bad snakes, rodents and bugs. I get that point. But I still don’t like snakes. When I see a snake in our yard, my throat seizes up and a scream comes out.

I do try for a peaceful co-existence with black snakes, although I cannot say the same for coral snakes. We have had several black snakes inhabit our back yard, usually one at a time. We would see the snake for one or two years, nothing for a year, then a new snake would be seen in the yard. We jokingly called the resident snake “Mr. Black Snake.” (I never said I was imaginative when I came to naming things that slither.) There would be a ripple in the grass as the snake slipped under the fence into the neighbor’s yard. Lulled into a false sense of security, I would let down my guard. Bad move. Mr. Black Snake was entwined around the stalks of the yucca plant, near the porch door. Hearing a rustle in the leaves, I turned my head. There it was at eye level, my nemesis, flickering his tongue. SCREAM!!!!

It was 6 AM on a Saturday in June 2000. Frank was preparing for work. Luke, my 4-year-old male Samoyed, was investigating the back yard, marking his favorite trees. I was enjoying the cool morning air. Soon the Florida summer heat would force us back inside to the relief of the air conditioning. It was time to drive Frank to work so I called Luke. Usually he came running so it surprised me when he ignored me totally. Luke was sniffing around the bottom of one of the old oak. I walked towards him, calling him again as I got nearer. Luke charged, full speed, straight towards me — with Mr. Black Snake, all five feet of him, dangling from his mouth. FRANK!!!!! I raced for the porch with Luke and Mr. Black Snake gaining ground on me. The one part of my brain still functioning realized that if I got to the door and stopped to open it, Luke with his buddy would literally be up my butt. FRANK!!!! I circled the tree nearest the door, Luke behind me. I did not count the number of loops but I did manage to keep on the opposite side of Luke. FRANK! Did I mention he was in the shower on the far side of the house?

Frank finally came to the door. “What?” Shocked, he gawked at the whole scene. Imagine seeing your wife, your dog and a long snake, doing their best imitation of “Ring Around the Rosie.” “OPEN THE DOOR!” I screamed. Bolting through the doorway, I slammed the metal door behind me. SAFE!

Luke stood outside, so proud of his prize which wiggled, dangling from his moth. Striding into the kitchen, I grabbed the bottle of Listerine on the counter. Back on the porch, I flung a large dose of Listerine on Luke’s muzzle and all over the snake. Frank was stunned. “What are you doing, disinfecting the snake?” Luke hated the smell and taste of Listerine and promptly dropped the snake. A quick but forceful ‘come’ command and Luke obediently entered onto the porch. My heart finally beat normally, I took Luke by the fur and we went into the house, leaving Frank to deal with a dazed Mr. Black Snake.